Life moves far more quickly as we get older. Events pass us by like “there’s no tomorrowlog”… Events we wish we could just stay inside of for eternity sometimes, and other times we wish the day would end. And then there are other times that we don’t realize until later that we should’ve appreciated that moment a little bit longer.
If You’re Over 50 and Have NO Regrets, You Haven’t Grown…
When I use the word events, I don’t just mean going out to dinner with a few friends or going to a game. While those are typical “events,” I’m also talking about those times that lasted only a second or two but have stayed with you through the years. Like the time you told your Mother and/or Father, “I Hate You!” It only lasted a second, and even though you’ve grown up and your parents have forgiven you, that past event can still (sometimes) eat at you to the point that you wish you could erase it from history.
The Influence of Movies, “I Have No Regrets”
The movies have a great way of making us think that if we have regrets, then we have failed at living a meaningful life. If the average person reflects on that idea for more than a second, they often realize that it’s nearly impossible to have absolutely NO regrets. That’s like saying, “I have never made a mistake in my life.” Most people regret mistakes they’ve made over the years… Most people…
On the “flip side” of the “I have no regrets movie narrative,” one could interpret that as this character is including all of their mistakes and realizing how important they are/were to his personal growth. That could be the case, I guess. That would be a great way to interpret it, yes. Or maybe they’re just looking out for the feelings of the loved ones around them. Hoping to have them not feel so sad about their passing when inside they do have many regrets…
However, it just seems like often these types of television scenes are situated in such a way as to give the impression that this person (maybe on their death bed?) feels their life has been perfect – no bad decisions ever, no horrible mistakes, etc. Occasionally, there’s a funny scene where the dying character says, “and I have NO regrets… Except for that one time when I dropped you on your head when you were a baby (forget which movie, maybe several)…”
Lost Educational Opportunities
If you are like me, you might (sometimes) wish you had made a different decision when choosing your future educational opportunities. For example, I was accepted into the Clemson University Mechanical Engineering Department (Clemson, SC) in my High School junior year. I strongly believe this was due to my having taken (and still being enrolled) in a trade school drafting class, and still making pretty decent grades elsewhere, and… you had to write an essay as part of your college application. I don’t recall if the essay was a requirement for all departments, or just a few, engineering being one of them. To gain acceptance into Clemson’s Architectural program, an interview was required… We did produce a very basic house schematic during my trade school class but had decided (at the time) that mechanical (or electrical) engineering would suit me better. I was going to have to take some remedial math in order to catch up with the other students, but I WAS ACCEPTED into the program. Hoorah for me!!…
Of course, my high school senior year had a large enough effect on me to completely change my decision to go to Clemson later, much to the disappointment of most of my family… I wound up going to a local branch of the University of South Carolina, which, of course, is a good college, but I would later realize that it wasn’t the best for me.
By going to the University of South Carolina at Spartanburg (USCS – Rifles), I didn’t have to leave home and get immersed in the college atmosphere. I only wound up going there because I convinced everyone I could take care of the lower-level courses here at home, then transfer to Clemson later. But what I really wanted to do was stay home and continue playing music with a few friends who shared the same interest. Sure, the musical experiences were great, and I learned a lot, but I also think I could’ve done both with just a little more discipline and foresight of the future (Clemson was only an hour from home…)…
Generally Treating Others Badly
Ever been involved with the wrong person, or have you yourself treated someone else wrong in an intimate relationship, or in a regular friendship? At school, at work, in the neighborhood, etc. …. Well, I’ve done it all on a few occasions, I’m sorry to say, and those times cannot be erased. I won’t go into the exact details in this area of my life, but I’m sure you can imagine some of the possibilities. I will say that there were times that I just never realized how cruel I could actually be, or how selfish, or how just plain mean I could be… as an adult and even looking back on some of my much younger years. I’m brought to tears over some of these times… I often say to myself when looking back in this area of my life, “Who was this guy (me)? I don’t know him at all…Was I possessed? Who does that?” I never physically harmed anyone… Just to be clear… But when it comes to emotional harm, I am unable to offer the same reassurance…
Diarrhea of the Mouth Incidents
Imagine (or remember) walking down some hallway somewhere, and you hear someone talking about you not realizing you are just around the corner. You ‘round the corner and that person is immediately embarrassed and sometimes maybe even a bit sad because they realize he didn’t really mean that horrible thing he just said about you. Might have even exaggerated a little bit. But this doesn’t change the overall feeling of, “So this is how you really feel about me…” for the person ‘rounding the corner just in time to hear that awful remark. Well, in this case, I would be the one making that awful remark and have done so too many times to count. I deserve to feel horrible for those horrible things that I’ve said in the past. Lots of times those moments get laughed off the moment they happen, but people remember, and sometimes gain a permanent new view of their relationship to you because of it…
Having Regrets Means You’re Aware of Your Wrongdoings
At the end of the day, having regrets about certain instances in our lives means you are now aware of your wrongdoings, or the things you (at least) could’ve done differently. Or perhaps there’s a higher power telling you (convicting you) of the past instances in your life that have tainted your overall reputation, your “testimony,” and/or just the way you compare yourself to others. I’ll speak more on that below…
Mistakes Make You Who You Are Today
I’ve come to believe that our past mistakes make us who we are today. If you are not capable of cringing at a few of your past distasteful indulgences, horrible remarks, etc., then perhaps you haven’t really grown as an adult just yet. Or…. You’ve lived an absolutely perfect life…. I would find the latter very difficult to believe…
Can’t Change the Past So Why Try
When (if) you finally find yourself in a situation where you are constantly reminding yourself of moments in your life that you wish you could forget, remember that you can’t go back and do it all over again. You have to keep moving forward. It’s definitely a waste of time to think you can erase some horrible event that you caused. But perhaps it’s an event that could be eased over by simply going to that person(s) and asking forgiveness.
Asking for Forgiveness
Asking someone for forgiveness is sometimes an available option depending on all of the extenuating circumstances, of course. The way to tell if asking for forgiveness might help is to ask yourself if it’s only your pride that will be hurt in doing so. In this case, I would say your pride is your enemy, and you should probably say you are sorry to whomever, or for whatever…
On a more important, deeper level, you may be having a difficult time with regret because God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit have convicted you of your past sins and you need to repent of all. Repenting doesn’t mean you will never sin, but it does mean you’ll now try with all your spirit, mind, and body not to. And when you do now, you’re immediately stricken by it unlike before. Another thing to take note of when it comes to repenting of sin is:
Psalm 103:11-12 from the Holy Hebrew Bible, which states, “11- For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12- as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
If God can forget, perhaps we should too…
We are NOT made perfect by any means. Realizing the God of the Hebrew Bible is the creator of all things and that his Son’s blood was necessary to reconcile us again with the Father is the only difference between a Christian and one who’s not a Christian.
Some would say that realizing your wrongdoings when you’re older is just the effect of being older and more mature. And I would certainly agree in a lot of cases. But we are also creatures created in the image of God who are constantly being called back to him. Some realize it (or are called) sooner than others. The testimony of others is required and may not be realized by the person who was testified to until many years later.
I’m not attempting to convince anyone of anything here and have probably skewed any decent attempt of doing so anyway. So, I will just say, give your Holy Bible a read on occasion and pray over that reading with another, or ask for someone to pray for you…
This wasn’t supposed to be a religious-oriented writing, but oh well, I’ll leave it be, for now…
In Conclusion
There’s no way possible to cover every area of my life (or anyone else’s life) where I’ve made mistakes that I wish I could remove completely from the history books. For starters, I have many more mistakes to look forward to. And secondly, it just can’t be done; however, hopefully you were able to relate to some of these and realize that you have to keep on living your life. There’s absolutely no sense whatsoever in beating yourself up over things that cannot be changed. You do what you can to make things better, if even possible (depending), and take note of what you’ve learned. Maybe share your newfound knowledge with someone else. And I’m not referring to the religious side of this post / essay / writing. I’m referring to what this writing started as: realizing that you have some regrets because you have gained some new knowledge in life. And these regrets AREN’T necessarily bad things…
Until Next Time,
Featured Image: Me sitting outside a gas station in Fayetteville, NC practicing some photography. The color one is the one I had Gemini “clean-up” a bit because I no longer have the original. The B&W is the only original that still remains. I just liked the tires backdrop… View Original on Flickr.
